AIRSTRIP ONE

It is a sad indictment of our times. “Top of the Pops” has disappeared from our screens but now we can watch “Top of the Pops” (The top 10) on the BBC News every Sunday. In another non-story, the BBC News presents the top-ten news stories that have been accessed from their website.

Ahhh. The bloody boring times we live in today!

The reporters on the BBC News are just plain arrogant.

This is made evident by their total disregard for the plural. Ignoring the plural is not “hip”. It is not “trendy”. It is not “colloquial”. It is just plain wrong.
There is one BBC and as a result there can be no plural. Cases of “…there’s so many” are rife but this morning I heard “…usual in this kind of circumstances…”!!!

Get your bloody act together! You do it for a living! You actually get paid for it so get it right!

James D. Watson, eminent biologist has today been made an un-person for crimethink.

James D. Watson was today suspended by his research institution in the US because he had the temerity to utter scientific fact

He does not exist any more and Big Brown has decreed that he never existed. All mention of him in any communication in now a crime and his views, although of a possible scientific basis, are to be discredited by all members of Airship One. On Thursday, the Science Museum cancelled an appearance by the academic and the Cold Spring Harbor Laboratory had already distanced itself from his existence. Its trustee board has also now suspended him. He no longer exists.

Any mention of Dr Watson having won won a Nobel Prize in 1962 for his major part in discovering the structure of the DNA molecule will now be deemed to be a hate crime and any person who admits his existence will be punished for crime-think.

A spokesperson for the Airstrip One Museum of Scientific Philosophy said on Thursday that Dr Watson had gone beyond the point of acceptable debate and that some things should not be allowed to be said or even thought. A representative of the museum said “It is obvious that even though something may be shown to be true by scientific method, to publish the result as a “truth” if it against the benefit of the average human being could be damaging to society in general and could cause social unrest”.

All appearances by Dr. Watson have now been cancelled and he will be consigned to the memory hole. Any mention of his ideas or his existence will now be treated as thought crime.

Outlook 2007 is superb if one has to use Outlook. It is a vast improvement on the 2003 version. It allows multiple calendars with ease and colour-coded entries that make life easy for us “humble mortals” who are not colour-blind and appreciate colour as a major aid to organisation.

Google Calendar is a pretty groovy tool also, especially for those on the go. It has the same sort of features as the Outlook 2007 calendar but has the advantage of being web-based.

SyncMyCal is a tool that will synchonise both calendars but the free version wil only sync 3 days into the past and 3 days into the future, which is pretty useful but for $25.00 the “pro” (pay-for) version will sync one’s whole calendar without the 3-day limitation. If you rely on Outlook Calendar 2007 and you like the ability to have entries available on-the-go it is well worth paying for.

Most people don’t use Outlook for more than one calendar but with a little bit of learning, it is possible to set up several different calendars in Outlook which makes it a very powerful tool. Whatismore, different calendars can be super-imposed on each other, making one’s whole time-planning very easy to see at a glance. At the same time, one or more calendars can be chosen, making it very easy to juggle events. The “overlay” mode is well worth the time and effort it takes to master.

SyncMyCal makes it easy to automatically synchonise one’s location-based Outlook entries with Google’s web-based calendar and at $25.00 (under £12.00) as a one-off payment, is well worth the money.

I’ve added a new category of post which I’ve called “Useful Info”. Like many people these days, whenever I want to buy anything new I spend a great deal of time and effort searching for information on the Web.

I’m about to buy a bicycle and whilst I propose to buy an unspectacular bike from eBay, I want to avoid the annoyance of having it stolen so I’ve been looking around for some information on locks.

The best information I’ve found is an excellent page entitled “Avoiding the Bicycle Thief - The best locks to protect your wheels.” written by a chap called Scott Elder. Scott is serious about bicycle locks. He has tested a few by locking up his bike with them and then trying to break them open using some really heavy-duty tools. His page describes the pros and cons of some of the best locks he could find and is a useful source of information.

I’ve decided to go with his number one suggestion - a lock called the “Kryptonite New York Fahgettaboudit U-lock” which can be bought at many on-line retailers as well as on eBay. I’m also  going to use a “Kryptonite Kryptoflex” braided steel cable with the U-lock to secure the wheels to the frame.

So thanks for the excellent information Scott and if I can steer just one more person to your page by posting the link then I’ll be a happy man.

Isn’t it pathetic! What sort of bloody nanny society are we living in when some idiot parents, whose idiot son was dumb enough to choke to death on his plastic pen top, actually get a page of news to themselves on the BBC News website when they call for a ban on pen tops?

The kid was thirteen years old for Christ’s sake. He should have known better. The fact that he didn’t and consequently died puts him in line for a Darwin Award, although if the truth be known there are more worthy contenders.

As for the BBC, they should be ashamed of themselves for taking his parents’ outrageous suggestion that because their own son was stupid everybody else should be treated as if they were just as stupid. The story doesn’t even warrant a report of any kind. It is just an example of the process of evolution in action.

“Wet Floor (This is not an instruction)”
(Notice in Gents Toilet)

“If my dog had your face, I’d shave his arse and teach him to walk backwards.”
Klinger - (M*A*S*H TV Series)

“Women don’t fart because they can’t keep their mouths closed long enough to build up the required pressure.”
Unknown.

“Beware the toes you tread on today are not attached to the leg that supports the arse you are going to have to kiss tomorrow”
Unknown.

“Twenty-four beers in a case, twenty-four hours in a day. A coincidence? I think not!
Unknown.

“There is no such thing as a tough child. If you parboil them first for seven hours they always come out tender.”
W.C. Fields.

“Americans will always try and do the right thing, after they’ve tried everything else.”
Sir Winston Churchill.

“She had much in common with Hitler, only no moustache.”
Winston Churchill

“Women are like elephants to me. Nice to look at but I wouldn’t want to own one.”
W.C. Fields

“His mother should have thrown him away amd kept the bath water.”
Unknown

Q. “How would you ever support a wife?”
A. “Well, it depends on whose wife it was. Gentle pressure beneath the left elbow when crossing a busy street normally fits the bill.”
Bertie Wooster (P.G. Wodehouse)

Dear John,

I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we’re apart. I can be forever happy - will you let me be yours?

Gloria.

Dear John,

I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we’re apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be?

Yours, Gloria.

I was 16 years old and somehow joined in with the whole punk rock scene. I don’t know why. I was down at the Marquee Club and The 100s Club almost every evening of the week at the height of it all. I used to hang around “Sex” in the Kings Road and I even remember playing pinball all evening because I found the band so boring; a “new” band called “The Police”. I had day-glow green hair and no brain. The music was crap. The whole bloody scene was crap. One “made a pass” at a girl by spitting in her drink. I even found myself at Paul Jones’ flat at a party one evening. It was crap too.

There was nothing glamorous or great about punk rock. It filled a cultural hole with something that was little better than the hole itself and now it really pisses me off when I see “Johnny Rotten” or anyone else on the telly talking as if punk was a great thing. It was nothing and the only people who still listen to any of it are neo-romantic idiots who don’t know what it was originally all about.

This week, we saw the story of the young girl whose belly button piercing nearly killed her when she had a car accident and the safety belt shot the ring that she had through her whole body. There are other potential hazards from having piercings that include all sorts of nasty diseases.

I must admit that I (very stupidly) had my left ear pierced and wore a safety pin through it for a while. I’ve still got an almost unnoticeable hole there and I wish I didn’t have it.

Piercings are for idiots and I speak from experience! As a reformed idiot I can now speak my mind. Tatoos are the same sort of thing.

Against incredible odds we all come into this wonderful world and to put holes in ourselves and plaster our bodies with tacky pictures is just plain stupid.

Piercings and tattoos are unattractive and for losers. Every now and then I see an attractive woman and then I spot a tattoo or piercing and it turns me right off. Why would anyone deliberately disfigure themselves? In my case it was peer pressure. Now I’m older and understand that I don’t have to “join in” with the World’s stupidity, I feel so much better about myself but I still get angry inside when I see it in somebody else.